It was total mayhem at Second Altona Mennonite Church this week after Pastor Susan called for Hymn 67. “I should have waited until the kids were dismissed for Children’s Church,” said Susan. “As soon ...

A young Mennonite woman from Winnipeg has been wondering lately whether it just might be that she’s actually an Anglican. Katie Enns, 23, started having Anglican thoughts a few years ago and has even ...

Area farmer Keith Thiessen, 61, has just purchased more than a thousand acres of land near Morden, Manitoba, which he intends to seed with aura this spring. “Everyone else is doing corn or canola, so ...

The L.A. Dodgers are thanking a Mennonite baseball fan this week for dropping his delicious cottage cheese perogy into the outfield, which cost the Toronto Blue Jays a potential series-winning run in ...

Although it’s controversial in some circles, it’s been part of the Anabaptist system, and the Protestant system more generally, for centuries – crossing the floor. Whenever a church member feels ...

Area man Timothy Berg, 70, has been called before the elder board to “explain his actions” after word got out that he’s just been put on the waiting list for a hip replacement. “I hear they might have ...

Alberta Premier Danielle Smith held a massive bonfire outside the provincial legislative building this week to destroy any remaining copies of the Constitution of Canada. “Had my goons find every copy ...

Area man Larry Enns, 51, normally swears off sports completely, but for some reason is really into the Blue Jays this evening. “I’ll be on the edge of my seat,” said Enns. “Rance Mulliniks is playing ...

Pastor Dave of South Leamington Mennonite Church is gearing up for his longest sermon yet this upcoming Sunday. “You can’t say I didn’t warn you,” said Pastor Dave, “but those Blue Jays are such an ...

Thousands of Mennonites in southern Ontario have refused to join in on the festivities this evening after local pastors preached vehemently against the ‘Worldly Series’s this past Sunday. “I don’t ...

It seems even President Trump can’t stake awake during one of Pastor Dave’s long meandering sermons. “I’m shocked. I thought for sure he had the stamina to withstand a 2-hour-long boring exposition of ...

Desperate the quell a rising tide of angry Mennonite voters, the White House clarified this afternoon that the new ballroom would not be used for dancing. “Only faspas and quilt auctions,” said press ...